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Why I won’t play the ‘mom war’ games (and why you shouldn’t either).

Why I won’t play the ‘mom war’ games (and why you shouldn’t either).

Before I became a mom I never knew how competitive being a parent could be. Breast fed vs. bottle fed, working mom vs. stay-at-home mom and the list goes on and on. If being a new mom isn’t already challenging enough, the parenting wars add an extra layer of complexity that I really don’t need. I’m here to tell you that I’m not going to play the mom war games and why I think you shouldn’t either.

Natural Birth vs. Birth With Drugs Wars.

Just take it out. It doesn’t matter which hole it comes out from. The vagina, the belly or the ear I don’t care. Just take it out safely and ease my pain with as much drugs as possible. I created, nurtured and carried another human being for 9 months so I’m not sure why people thought they could tell me how I should’ve birthed my child. People will always try to convince you to go one way or the other but, at the end of the day it’s your body and your baby. Do what you feel is right for you and as long as your baby is safe and healthy that’s all that matters.

Breast Fed vs. Bottle Fed Wars.

I am so tired of hearing “Breast fed is best.”  or “Fed is best.’ How about “stay out the fuck out of my business is best.” That sounds like a winner to me. Regardless of how you choose to feed your child, it’s your business and no one else’s. I breast fed and bottle fed my baby for the first 4 months of her life. During that time I had an extremely difficult time with my breast milk production and my baby wasn’t getting the food that she needed. I ultimately had to go 100% to the bottle and it was a really tough decision that I didn’t anticipate having to make. You have no idea what other people’s lives are like so remember that the next time you want to judge someone about how they feed their child. Some people just don’t want to breast feed and that should be ok! I never knew how big of a deal this subject was before I became a mom. Shouldn’t we all just be happy that our children are healthy and thriving?

I’m not about to tell anyone that what works for my family should work for theirs because I don’t live their life and they don’t live mine.

Bed Early vs. Bed Late Wars.

My 2 year old daughter’s bed time is around 7p. She’s always had a bed time routine and if I put her to bed a lot later than her scheduled time she acts like a raging hormonal teenager. An early bedtime not only allows her enough sleep so that she’s a  happier person in the morning, it also allows time for her mama’s to relax and recharge. That being said, I don’t care what other people do in their household with their children. If want to send your child to bed at 10:00P and that works for you then so be it. I’m not about to tell anyone that what works for my family should work for theirs because I don’t live their life and they don’t live mine.

Working Mom vs. Stay-at-Home Mom (SAHM) Wars.

No, really? In 2019 we’re really still fighting about this? Before I had my daughter, our plan was for me to stay home with her for at least 3 years. I had been working in the corporate world for at least 20 years at this point and I felt I wanted to shift my attention from working all the time to just being a mom. However, as my daughter approached her 1st birthday I got the itch to want to go back to work. I thought I could be the SAHM that went on play dates and baked cookies but, I couldn’t. I loved my daughter dearly but, I really missed adult interaction and having something for myself. When I made the decision to put her into daycare I felt  so guilty that I instantly wanted to change my mind. After some deep soul searching and a few shots of rum, I realized that a happy mom was a good mom and that both of us would adjust just fine. The SAHM’s had a lot to say about my decision but, I reminded them that they didn’t pay my bills or keep me warm at night. Whether you’re a SAHM or working mom we all should just be concerned that our children are happy and feel loved.

New Stuff vs. Recycled Stuff Wars.

I never even knew new stuff vs. recycled stuff wars was a ‘thing’. If you want to buy your baby all new stuff then go for it. If you think that buying all new stuff is a waste of money and recycled is the way to go, I hear ya. I’m a new mom so the want to buy some new things for my baby was inevitable. I also don’t have an endless budget and I’m smart enough to know that kids go through things like water. Getting a considerable about of recycled goods for a child is a no brainer to me but, if I see something new that I want for my child I’m going to get it no matter what anyone has to say. Babies don’t care what they wear or use so it’s all for us really. Don’t tell me how to spend my money and I won’t tell you how to spend yours. Capeesh?

Private School vs. Public School Wars.

Whoa, whoa, whoa…on se calm. Our children haven’t even made it past the toddler stage yet so let’s have this brawl when our children have reached puberty. For now, just don’t bring your sick kid to daycare and we’ll be cool.

There’s so much judgement and criticism between parents when we really should be supporting each other a long the way. There is no instruction book for raising kids and we’re all just doing the best that we can. I for one am thankful for friends and family that give me advice because I really have no clue what I’m doing.  My daughter is happy so are her 2 mom’s so that for us is a win. How about we all just celebrate making it through another crazy day with a bottle of Prosecco and a good night’s sleep.


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  • Britt May 28, 2019 at 3:04 pm

    I honestly don’t understand the need to battle out these topics. At the end of the day, what works for one family may not work for the next, and THAT’S OKAY! As long as your child is happy, healthy and thriving, do what works for you!

    • queeroldnewmom May 28, 2019 at 4:13 pm

      Damn right Britt! You’re spot on. I hate when people try to convince me that their way is the right and only way. Do what works for you. xo

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