Truth be told, from the earliest time I could remember, I never wanted to have children. Even at the age of 5 years old I looked at other children who were the same age as I as annoying and a lot of work. As I got older and I approached adulthood, people often told me that as I got closer to my 20’s and 30’s that I would change my mind. I didn’t. I loved and fully embraced my carefree life and was not interested in having another human being dependent on me and messing it all up. Then, I hit the age of 38. I don’t know what happened but, something in my mind shifted. I suddenly (and surprisingly) felt the need to pro-create and and I was pissed off. I was pissed off because, at that time, my relationship was in the shits and there was no pro-creation plans in site. I was mad that I didn’t have this feeling earlier in my life and now that I was approaching 40, the chances of me being able to pro-create naturally was very slim. I was pissed that the chances of me actually meeting someone new at my age, building a relationship with them and them wanting to have a baby were also slim to none – so I dismissed it. All of this until, I met my current partner almost 2 years after my 12 year relationship ended. Now, at the age of 42, I have a 2 year old daughter who was conceived through insemination, in less than a year and without any drugs or hormones. How amazing is that?
I have to admit that I really love being and older new mom. Motherhood is definitely not the easiest job but, it is absolutely the most satisfying and joyful thing I’ve ever done. I know that in my 20’s and 30’s I would have never been ready for this journey (and maybe no one really ever is) but, I’ll give you 6 reasons why I think choosing to be an older new mom rocks!
1. You’ve had a lot of time to figure shit out.
Let’s face it, when you have a baby in your 40’s, you’ve already been through and seen a lot of shit that you wouldn’t have done when you were a lot younger. At this stage in your life you kind of already know what you want, what you don’t want and you’re not at the point in your life anymore where you’re trying to impress people because you want to get ahead. It’s perfect timing because at this point, if you decide to have a baby it’s because you really want one, not because you’re feeling pressured to have one because everybody else does. You’ve just made up your mind and you’re going to go for it.
2. You’ve already been there, done that.
You’ve travelled a bit, you’ve already spent your weekends in the clubs, you’ve passed out drunk on the sidewalk, you’ve had your threesome, you’ve smoked your blunt and now what.The thought of eating pizza while watching Netflix and going to bed by 8:00p.m. is now your version of a good time. You no longer have that feeling of “missing out” because you’ve already been there, done that and you’re ready to move on.
3. You’ve learned a lot and gained a lot of experience.
Now that you’re in your 40’s, you undoubtedly have friends or acquaintances that have children. They’ve told you their birth stories, warned you about never sleeping again, you’ve seen the toddler temper tantrums and you’ve even had the chance to watch other peoples rug rats from time to time. You’ve learned so much from other parents that you already have your baby shower list in check. Although, realistically, no one can be truly ready for being a first time parent, you have a great support system to and someone to turn to that already knows what to do when you don’t.
4. You have more confidence in yourself.
This one is a biggie. In my opinion, your 20’s are for figuring things out. It’s such a messy time of trying to be all things to everyone, including yourself. You’re constantly in a state of WTF because you want to know it all, be it all and have it all. When you’re a woman in her 40’s, you’ve realized what really matters and what doesn’t. You’ve succumbed to the fact that you’ll never be the same size you were in high school and you’re ok with that. You don’t stay at jobs you hate simply for the money anymore. You’re willing to turn down opportunities or tell your boss to go and screw himself because they’re simply no longer in alignment with your life’s path and purpose. You’re at a place in your life when you feel more confident and secure knowing that whatever will be will be and you now know, that you’re in charge of your own happiness and no one else.
5. You’ve got your priorities in check.
When you’re in your 40’s you’re ready to say “no” to the things you don’t want and “yes” to the things you do. You know what and who deserves your time and attention and you prioritize the things in your life accordingly. At this stage you’ve realized that if you decide to have a baby, you know that you’ll have to sacrifice other things in your life that were once important to you but now seem frivolous. It’s all about priorities and when you’ve decided to become a parent, you know that your priority will be your child(ren) and family.
6. You’re (hopefully) more financially aware and stable.
You’ve worked, saved some money and you don’t have the same worries that you did when you were younger. You’re also at the stage where you’ve grown in your career and your salary has grown with it. You’re no longer hustling at crappy jobs just to make ends meet and you actually finally feel like you have a handle on your bills and you can afford more than you used to. Now that you’ve decided to have children, they will undoubtedly bring you back to the poor house but, at least, this time around, you no longer feel the shame of using coupons or going to 3 different grocery stores to take advantage of the sales.
I have no doubt that some of you will look at this list thinking that I’m living in unrealistic fairy land but, in all seriousness, the years I spent trying to figure my shit out really made me the person who I am today. I’m not saying that being an older mom is the best choice for everyone nor am I saying that being a younger mom doesn’t have it’s benefits as well. All I know is that because I’ve had time in my life to learn, reflect, grow and act a fool, my 40’s was the perfect time for me to raise a child without feeling like she’s here taking up space or that I’m missing out on anything. On the contrary my dear, she’s absolute magic.
P.S. Look out for a future article called “The Reasons Why Being an Older Mom Sucks.